Sex, Love and the American Dream

I usually don't care for cliche writings about love, romance and happiness.
I never feel like I take any new perspective away from them because the moral always seem to be the same.

But today is different. Today I feel more emotionally grounded than I have ever felt in my life.

And even though every story of love and happiness seems to sound the same, maybe that's okay. Maybe it's when you are sitting in a cafe with your closest friends and you begin to notice that you sound like a scene out of a romantic comedy that you realize that you have something great.

Throughout my dating career I have tried on boyfriends from all sorts of little archetypes. I've dated the well-known jock, that guy everyone seems to love, the isolated intellectual, the musician who only has enough emotion to be in love with his craft and even the cocky pretty boy who was used to running through girls like gym socks --- you name it, I tried him.

What those experiences and the passing of time have taught me is that with growth and maturity, people stop being archetypes and start being people. We become a complicated blend of all that we've ever been, admired in others and aspired to be. The man who stole my heart is a delightful cocktail of the jock, intellectual, and the cocky boy with a garnish of the musician.

Knowledge of his existence threw me into that glorious initial feeling of intense ecstasy, attraction and infatuation with another soul that blossoms in the beginning of most romances. That incomparable high inevitably diminished, but at a milder degree and slower rate than I had previously experienced in dating relationships.
During my romance, the two of us spent weeks giddily invading each other's space on a daily basis before officially declaring that we were a couple. At that point any loose strings from past relationships that we may have had we cut off to be exclusive.

It's tricky to describe what I initially wanted out of our exclusive relationship. The most accurate and concise answer is Security.

By calling each other by the title of boyfriend and girlfriend, it legitimized our infatuation. It wrapedd both of your lives up into a series of expectations, obligations and assurance providing a reassuring blanket of comfort as we took on the days and weeks ahead.
Gaining the official title of Girlfriend and Boyfriend in a society where monogamy is out of style is a note-worthy accomplishment! And in my case, that day of titles came with a feeling of relief. I'm sure you remember back in junior high when you had a huge crush and were never really sure if your feelings were reciprocated. Although that emotion is not as plaguing in an adult dating scenario, it is still quite gratifying to hear, "I really like you" from the person we're crushing on.

So after a year and change of relationship life, is it tacky and cliche to send my boyfriend text messages telling him that I miss him and think he's special? Maybe---BUT without that, our relationship would be much different and feel less significant to me.

Our feelings for each other may be typical and sometimes even the way we express them can be, as well...but without the model of love and affection we are fed through family and our other influences, how else would we know if we have it? Of course, I would discourage anyone who believed that their personal love story would mimic a romantic comdey. However, the emotions that are at the root of these cliches are indeed real. Through good times and bad times those strong, authentic feelings will still be there.

So maybe I have spent this entire post doing exactly what I have claimed to dislike; dulging into the underlying mathematics of a successful relationship with a resounding and familiar moral at the end. Even if I have, I am happy to share my experiences with you and let you know that even cynics can be romantic when the time is right and a special person reveals themself. Maybe there is no such thing as "happily ever after" or "prince charming" because every person and every relationship has flaws, but what does exist is love and the potential to have a great relationship with someone who makes you happy.

To my fellow cynics: Be Beautiful and Be Wise; Their is no cookie-cutter path to love and romance, but you can bet your tushy it exists!

Share Your Thoughts - Comment!

The After-Work Drink

It's happened to every attractive twenty-something woman working in Corporate America; we find ourselves on the receiving end of that dreaded question...

"So what are you doing after work?"

Ordinarily this question is received with a forced smile and a carefully worded excuse. Our sixth sense gives us the intuition to know when a co-worker has shady and unwanted intentions.

But there are other times when it may be more in our interest to play ball and do some after-work socializing as a means of self-promotion within the company. If your supervisor and/or your CEO are going to be there, the after-work drink becomes a prime opportunity to kiss up to move up.

Becoming the Perfect After-Work Socialite

Be Social! Keep in mind that the reason people are interested in seeing you after work is for you to socialize with them. They want to share laughs with you and see you as a person not just a working machine. So be very conscious of how many alcholic drinks you are tossing back in order to maintain absolute control over how you are presenting yourself to your co-workers and superiors. A fail-safe trick to prevent looking like a party-pooper who is to scared to have a few drinks is to order either a light mixed drink like a pineapple juice with Malibu Rum or a wine cooler and baby-sit it. In other words, drink slowly and do not draw attention to the fact that you have not been back up to the bar for refills. If need be, walk away from the crowd for a minute or two so that others may assume you went for a fresh drink.

Another trick for those of you who are not above blatant lying for the greater good (like me!), is the stunt drink. Order a non-alcholic drink (it can even be a water on the rocks) and tell anyone who asks that it is something else. The garnishes bars put on the glasses can make anything look like a strong drink! A watered-down cranberry juice is a great stunt drink. It looks like a vodka and cranberry and genuinely doesn't taste that great which will help give you those authentic "ick" faces while sipping it. LOL!

Once the drinking is mastered, it's time to chat it up. It is important to talk to everyone who made it out after work to show that you are a team player. Even that guy with the magnified glasses from the mail room deserves at least a quick comment about the weather. The biggest after work no-no is discussing office drama, ie: gossiping. This is never a good idea even if it makes you feel closer on a personal level with some of your co-workers by ganging up on another co-worker or group of associates from the office. You must be absolutely neutral. You have no opinion, and at most only express that you feel that both sides make valid arguments. If co-workers are insisting on pulling you into their drama, you have to take the initiative and physically remove yourself from the situation.

It is hard enough to make sure that your work life is steady and progressive without the added saga of inter-office theatrics. So talk about sports, music, fashion, drinks, movies, anything but work. Keep all of your topics positive; try to keep the conversation around subjects that do not stir up any animosity within you or within your co-workers and superiors. If you sense you have hit a sensitive topic, end the conversation. You do not even have to end it tactfully; you can just begin another conversation. Depending on your persona, an awkward transition may even lighten the mood! Just be confident with a positive and chatty attitude and things should go smoothly.

Putting in Quality Face Time

Once your co-workers have been dazzled, slip into your best smile and work on that supervisor of yours. Keep the conversation positive and casual and if they want to discuss the office, make sure that you mention the amount of progress you have been making as a result of working with a great "team." This allows you to acknowledge your accomplishments without being completely blunt about it. The ultimate goal here is to make sure that your supervisor associates your name and face to positive company output.

So go ahead and kiss up, but be sure to do it tactfully.

How do YOU handle the after-work scene?
Leave a comment!

Slave to the Grind

I do NOT want to work a
nine to five
the rest of my life!

Going into college, young people are asked to make a life altering decision in the form of a "declared major."

With this question hanging heavily in the air, all of your dream jobs from childhood are put into perspective. "How realistic are my aspirations when trying to find a corresponding college major?"

When I was a wee tike, I desperately wanted to be an entertainer --- a singer/actor/dancer. I even told my Mom that as a back-up career, I would go to school to become a teacher in case my artistic aspirations didn't pan out!
But by the time freshman year of college rolled around, becoming a teacher no longer held the same allure and even becoming a famous entertainer failed to tickle my fancy. I desired financial independence and after researching my future tuition costs, I decided the only way to make the next four years of education pay for itself was to go Pre-Law.
It seemed like a good idea at the time; I was a skilled public speaker and loved to argue!

So I punked out on pursuing my childhood dreams
in order to begin building a "financially secure future."

Two weeks into my first college semester, I realized the Pre-Law thing wasn't going to work out (LOL). I removed myself from the program but kept my English major and declared a writing specialization (essentially a major within a major.)

Now that those four years of analyzing Charlotte Bronte and Beckett are finished, I feel like a college freshman all over again. The only difference is that now I have the added stress of wondering if

maybe I have a degree in the wrong thing.

These days I have a very carpe diem attitude towards my career and future. And this new 'tude has me considering going into graduate school to educate myself on the things I have genuine interest in. Despite what my transcript reads, reading, analyzing and mimicking the work of dead authors doesn't really rock my socks. What I really want to know more about is the music industry and talent management.

The cost and worth of continuing education is best saved for another day, but I do strongly believe that anything worth having is worth fighting for. And having a "dream" career is not a luxury reserved for children, so I'm preparing for battle and fighting for my dream! Even in our twenties, we have an abundance of time to start working towards a lifestyle and career that truly satisfies us.

If you have already finished or will soon finish undergraduate school and are toying with the idea of a enrolling in a master's program as I am, my suggestion is to take your time with the decision. Graduate school will not cease to exist in the time it takes us to properly research and decide whether it is something we want to pursue. Let's make this a wise decision for our betterment!

I have known it since I was a child that I am not cut out for the daily grind of a nine to five; my heart is set on a much more atypical lifestyle. And I know my childhood dreams are indeed achievable if I only give myself the chance!

Do you think graduate school is worth it? Leave a comment!

Love My Work, Not My Skirt

To my horror,

I saw one of our twenty-something peers walking into work this morning in a tube top and mini-skirt and toting along a hooded sweatshirt. Of course I was sympathetic to her attempt to look cute, and she did look pretty, but
respect in the workplace needs to be earned through proper presentation.
Working in Manhattan you get to see a lot of different expressions of personal office style. Young women in their twenties are especially skilled at being fashionalbe and professional simultaneously. However, as our friend in the tube top reminded me, the transition from college dorm chic to office diva is not always a smooth one.

As I strutted down the runway [sidewalk] to my office this morning, I passed dozens of twenty-something women in fabulous attire.

There were mix-and-match peices from blazers, ruffle blouses, pencil skirts, scarves, pretty jewelry, suit pieces worn individually and all sorts of feminine and fun prints and colors. They make it all seem effortless as though looking fabulous at work happened over night for them.

But it didn't happen over night for me --- and judging from Tube-top Girl, I'm sure I'm not alone.
By the time I earned my Bachelor's Degree in English I had managed to purchase two super-cute office outfits. And that was fine for the couple of months of interviewing that I endured. Once I had to start looking office-chic every day, I had to get more creative.

Reaching deep into the depths of my wardrobe, I separated tops that thoroughly covered my back, tummy and shoulders (with my humble chest, plunging necklines are not popular in my drawers...but others should take heed that mega-cleavage is not okay at the office.) Then I found all of the skirts and dresses I had that made it reasonably near my knees or below and paired them with the tops. This make-shift office wardrobe held me down until I had put together enough money to expand.

Going to the office does not mean that you have to dress in a matching suit and pants, but it does mean that people should not be distracted by your "assets" when they should be looking into your face.

Perhaps Tube-top Girl did not have any clothes that made it over her shoulders or any pants devoid of patches on the back pockets. We will never know.

But as a pretty-faced young woman in her twenties with a job in a nice Manhattan building, measures need to be taken to avoid appearing like a ditzy beauty queen.

We know the ditzy women exist and they can be quite adorable and loving people, but if you are a woman who takes pride in your talents/skills and intelligence,

Make The World See Beyond Your Beauty.

[The first image can be found at greatglam.com --- This site has a lot of really sexy club and dressy-casual styles. Most of them should not be worn at work! lol]

Styling HELP For The Office: When you are ready to start filling your closet with work clothes, try visiting H&M, Forever 21 and Bebe to find reasonably priced and very fashionable styles. These stores have been a bigggg help to me as I have been transitioning!

Pretty. Profound.

Hello beautiful people!

Allow me to introduce myself...I am Uptown Ari. Yeah, that's me over there on the left!

Young and armed with a Bachelor's Degree I'm braced to take on the world in this cool economic climate. And I gotta tell you, I've done it all to stay afloat in this fabulous city of New York. Entertainment is a great interest of mine and I have done modeling, joined an R&B group, worked for music companies and even worked at clubs as a "party motivator!"

But this blog is about more than city life and being pretty and flashy; it's about educated women utilizing everything they have going for them. It seems that at times young women are made to feel guilty about being pretty in a corporate world as though nothing they achieve was "earned." Naturally, not every corporate environment is alike and there are both negative and positive stereotypes surrounding attractive corporate women.

I'd like to use this blog to explore the ins and outs of this societal group and open up discussion on different topics surrounding it. More directly, I'd like to address the concerns of we young women in our twenties who are driven for success!

More often than not I find myself feeling challenged and frustrated with the direction my life is headed, or isn't headed. For far too long, I have achieved by relying on wit, charm and beauty. Now that I have finished my undergraduate studies, am in a stable and happy relationship, I'm stuck with the question:

What's Next?

And let me know if I am alone in this because it seems that it is way too early for me to get married, and yet there is not enough time for me to figure out what I am supposed to do with my life before I exit my "prime." College was supposed to be the best years of my life and now they are over.

Can I go back for a little while?

If there is a topic you would like me to explore,
let me know and I will open up a "profound" discussion
that will challenge us all to be
Wise Beyond Our Beauty.