Sex, Love and the American Dream

I usually don't care for cliche writings about love, romance and happiness.
I never feel like I take any new perspective away from them because the moral always seem to be the same.

But today is different. Today I feel more emotionally grounded than I have ever felt in my life.

And even though every story of love and happiness seems to sound the same, maybe that's okay. Maybe it's when you are sitting in a cafe with your closest friends and you begin to notice that you sound like a scene out of a romantic comedy that you realize that you have something great.

Throughout my dating career I have tried on boyfriends from all sorts of little archetypes. I've dated the well-known jock, that guy everyone seems to love, the isolated intellectual, the musician who only has enough emotion to be in love with his craft and even the cocky pretty boy who was used to running through girls like gym socks --- you name it, I tried him.

What those experiences and the passing of time have taught me is that with growth and maturity, people stop being archetypes and start being people. We become a complicated blend of all that we've ever been, admired in others and aspired to be. The man who stole my heart is a delightful cocktail of the jock, intellectual, and the cocky boy with a garnish of the musician.

Knowledge of his existence threw me into that glorious initial feeling of intense ecstasy, attraction and infatuation with another soul that blossoms in the beginning of most romances. That incomparable high inevitably diminished, but at a milder degree and slower rate than I had previously experienced in dating relationships.
During my romance, the two of us spent weeks giddily invading each other's space on a daily basis before officially declaring that we were a couple. At that point any loose strings from past relationships that we may have had we cut off to be exclusive.

It's tricky to describe what I initially wanted out of our exclusive relationship. The most accurate and concise answer is Security.

By calling each other by the title of boyfriend and girlfriend, it legitimized our infatuation. It wrapedd both of your lives up into a series of expectations, obligations and assurance providing a reassuring blanket of comfort as we took on the days and weeks ahead.
Gaining the official title of Girlfriend and Boyfriend in a society where monogamy is out of style is a note-worthy accomplishment! And in my case, that day of titles came with a feeling of relief. I'm sure you remember back in junior high when you had a huge crush and were never really sure if your feelings were reciprocated. Although that emotion is not as plaguing in an adult dating scenario, it is still quite gratifying to hear, "I really like you" from the person we're crushing on.

So after a year and change of relationship life, is it tacky and cliche to send my boyfriend text messages telling him that I miss him and think he's special? Maybe---BUT without that, our relationship would be much different and feel less significant to me.

Our feelings for each other may be typical and sometimes even the way we express them can be, as well...but without the model of love and affection we are fed through family and our other influences, how else would we know if we have it? Of course, I would discourage anyone who believed that their personal love story would mimic a romantic comdey. However, the emotions that are at the root of these cliches are indeed real. Through good times and bad times those strong, authentic feelings will still be there.

So maybe I have spent this entire post doing exactly what I have claimed to dislike; dulging into the underlying mathematics of a successful relationship with a resounding and familiar moral at the end. Even if I have, I am happy to share my experiences with you and let you know that even cynics can be romantic when the time is right and a special person reveals themself. Maybe there is no such thing as "happily ever after" or "prince charming" because every person and every relationship has flaws, but what does exist is love and the potential to have a great relationship with someone who makes you happy.

To my fellow cynics: Be Beautiful and Be Wise; Their is no cookie-cutter path to love and romance, but you can bet your tushy it exists!

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